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We've been close companions with a woman, who has faced and conquered numerous obstacles, which I admire. Yet, she's constantly taken by surprise in relationships. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. A lot of her social circle disappeared at that point, since they had been drawn to her husband. This surprised her deeply. She put in more effort to be my friend, and must have grasped more clearly what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, many close to her vanished and she isn't sure why. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, even though she had been an excellent employee, and she left not understanding the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we've both left the workforce and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I open discussion points and she changes them to what interests her. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. I attempt to suggest verifying facts or other angles.

She is planning a vacation to a nation I know well repeatedly even called home for some time. My intention was to provide advice, yet it was not welcomed. She purely only wanted me to confirm her plans. I have ended four weeks in that place and she wants to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I don't want in this role that walks away abruptly, yet I doubt she will ever comprehend the effect of how she acts on my self-esteem. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

One option is to cut and run, but it is seldom the peaceful resolution we imagine. But confrontation with a view to working things out demands strength and willingness from both people.

Experts suggest applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining how things go during your discussions. It should be as factual as possible and basically what a recording device would replay. The second is to tell the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement here. Emotions are your feelings, of course. The third step is to ask how you are both can shift the dynamics of your friendship."

Keep in mind she too holds perspectives, so you need to stay open to hear that. A helpful technique is telling to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably successful for promoting mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

This person may dismiss your concerns, for those who have a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a narrative about themselves they won't abandon because their very survival relies on it and it's all they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no clear path in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. But she may start out defensively then consider about what you've said. And should you don't achieve a fix, it will give you closure from having been truthful.